At the end I understood that my son must follow his own way
It
is not unusual for young people to keep thoughts of religious or priestly
vocation to themselves, especially if they think their parents will not approve.
In other cases the thought of a religious vocation may never cross a
young person’s mind until someone outside the family raises the possibility.
We willingly publish this testimony by a mother who shares with us hers and her son’s story. The story may be meaningful for that not easy path that every parent must follow, to understand that their children are not their children. “They are God’s, who calls them by diverse paths according to His designs. It, too, is a paschal journey.”
hree
years ago, when he was about to graduate from High School, our son Fred told us
he was thinking of going to the seminary to become a priest.
We, his parents, did not object much at first. Among his siblings, though, some struggled and tried to dissuade him: he was too young, why would he want to be a priest these days, (the stress was on “these days’), he could do better than that, have some experiences in life, and so on. Some other brother closed himself in questioning silence.
We all thought it all so unreal. I myself seemed to be peaceful about it, until he went to “visit” the seminary for a few days’ orientation. All of a sudden it hit me as if he were “burning his bridges by going into that kind of life.” But I felt that way, not Fred.
I
was happy that he was happy, but I was also a bit resentful: if he was choosing
the seminary, then maybe I, his mother, had failed somewhere!… How could he
choose the seminary with all its “unknowns,” instead of us whom he knew?
Fred had always been very active in sports, in school, in the parish.
Everyone know him.
He says that some day he may want to go to some foreign land
as a missionary. In some foreign
land in this world of ours so unsafe and threatening?
And then, I was thinking, what would people say were he to change his
mind and come home? I needed to
make some sense out of all this before I could give my full consent and be at
peace. I was filled with mixed
feelings and angst about it all.
Vocations and Parents
70% of the parents interviewed expressed concern that their children would not be happy in religious life
59% feared that a priest would be lonely without the intimacy and support of a wife
53% expressed a desire for grandchildren
51% felt religious life was too limited
48% of parents interviewed admitted that they had not encouraged their children to consider a vocation to religious life, and an additional 19% felt strongly that a parent should not encouraged vocations
43% wanted their children to achieve material success
U.S. Survey by CARA on Vocations
One by one between nightly tears and sudden bouts of sadness, I took hold of my anxieties and tried to weigh each one: My son’s choice of the seminary is a gift, the gift to relish knowing God.And there is full freedom to chance one’s mind. As to what people might say, I was forgetting about what God could and might say to me: if God had given Fred the desire to know, serve and love him differently than I know and love Him, how co7uld I cheapen or stunt the growth of my son in God with what people might say?
Neither has the life of our children been given to us to compensate for our unfulfilled dreams. In each of our children rests God’s own dreams, and we who are parents must give them the possibility to make those dreams come true. As to the question of how could I know if following that path was right for Fred, for me, Jesus himself gave the answer, “By their fruits you shall know the trees.” I see the seminary as a tree, and I like its fruits. Some a little more, others a little less. But I think Fred will prosper well there.
From the outside, the seminary may seem like a closed and incomprehensible structure: as when one looks at a mosaic of a stained-glass window from the outside. One needs to go inside where the window is, to admire the beauty of the mosaic. During all this time, my family and I have often visited Fred and his follow seminarians in that house which is more their “other home.”
Now, thinking of my son in the seminary, my angst has passed. I think that for every pain there are two joys. And I can say this because I know by experience.”
Parents have a moral obligation to help their children discern what God is calling them to do with their lives and help them to understand that true joy and satisfaction in life will only be found by following God’s will.
It is not difficult to help a child recognize a call to married life. To recognize a call to religious, priestly, missionary life is much more challenging. A positive family life with parents practicing their faith is an important factor. When married life prospers, vocations to religious life prosper. When one suffers, they both suffer. A positive impact communicates encouragement.
(From Xaverian Mission Newsletter)